Humility and Consecration (MTC week 2)

 

Here we go again. Every time I sit down at this computer to email you there is a timer in the upper right hand corner and it is SUPER stressful. 30 minutes. I feel like Han Solo piloting the Millennium Falcon: "CHEWY! Get us out of here!" and then blast off into outer space. I promise I will type as fast as I can for 30 minutes.

We'll start with some funny stories.

1. This hermana in my district (there are 6 of us in a room for 4. We love it and all get along really well, though closet space is limited.) who really reminds me of Julianne Taylor, was telling us a funny story about her Mom and said, "yeah. My mom's not the sharpest crayon in the box." (I'll let you figure that one out for yourselves.)

 

2. The hermana who sleeps on the bunk below me SNOOOORES. And I mean snores. Well first she starts breathing deeply, then she goes through a series of sighs. THEN she snores. I lay in my bed and just laugh every night at the predictability. "And 3, 2, 1, cue snoring." But when I get sick of it, I just put my hand against the wall and push really hard back and forth to shake the whole bed so she'll roll over. It's quite a process every night and amuses me greatly.

 

3. I have discovered why MTC food gives people problems. Now, understand that I have been eating really well. No cookies, donuts, cake, burgers, fries, and limited ice cream. But even I get stomach cramps and feel awful sometimes after meals. I think it has to be just because we sit ALL day long and then rush to the cafeteria, scarf down food, and then go sit some more. So our stomachs can't digest properly. They're all bunched up. The food here is actually really good, and good for you. If you're not an 18 yr old boy. hahah one elder in my district puts peanut butter on his pancakes before putting on syrup in order to get protein and "make it more healthy."

 

This week I have been learning a lot about humility. With my companion, with investigators, with members that we share thoughts with at the TRC, with teachers, I have learned that the more I forget myself the better. I am so happy when my own wants and needs aren't even on the radar. You know how when I get an assignment I tend to just throw myself at it until either it or I am completely finished? Well last week when everyone was talking about being the BEST missionary you can possibly be and "working as hard as you possibly can" so you have no regrets, I threw myself into this work. I literally spared no moments to be studying something. But I soon realized that life could not be supported this way and that my companion was suffering because of my frantic work ethic. So I learned to slow down, to completely dedicate myself but to smile too and to take time to love those around me and just be still and listen to the spirit. That is one wonderful thing about my companion. She teaches me to be still and listen. Hermana Townsend (my companion) is so down to earth and gentle. We get along really well. Our leaders actually have asked us to try to set an example for other companionship's because we seem to just be so unified. The trick is just loving her and forgetting myself. It means walking on the outside of the stairs so that she has to take fewer steps as we go up several stories, or ironing her clothes for her in the morning, or asking her to grab me an apple. Serve, and be served. That is happiness. I heard a quote in devotional that I just loved this week. "If you're not happy with your lot in life, build a service station on it." That describes what I've been trying to do. Heavenly Father has given me a vision of the light and cheer I can bring to others if charity and love are my focus, and if I am centered on Christ's example, and every day is a joy when lived like this.

I am also learning to consecrate myself. I sure love you dear people. Every time I receive a letter I just quiver all over until I get to go back to my residence hall at night and read it. Thank you for your kind words and all the letters. You have no idea what it means to me. However, if I didn't have you, I would still love the Lord and still want to be doing His work now. So I try not to think about you except on P-days. And then I open up my box of emotions and get to talk to you and be with you as I think about you. Then at the end of the day I put it all away and try not to dwell on thoughts of you until the next P-day.

I miss hugging Dad every night when he comes in, but I have found that on my knees each night as I am praying I have the same feeling. Prayer is such a wonderful thing. I hope that you all embrace the gift that it is from heavenly Father. It is our chance to rest. To tell Him how hard we've worked and ask if He is pleased and just breathe in His love and Spirit. It is also the chance to ask how you should be changed the next day. I have come to rely on prayer more than ever before in my life. Let me just tell you that when you rely on the Lord, and recharge your Spirit through prayer every night and morning, nothing in the world can dampen your spirits throughout the day. I've been trying to understand better the language of the Spirit. Dear family, the most important thing I want to tell you I have learned is that the Spirit cannot teach a murmuring heart. And it is so hard to have a murmuring heart if you truly open it to the Spirit! The way to happiness is so easy if we just open our hearts to the Savior, forget about our own silly wants, and seek to do what the Spirit is telling us. Bask in the Spirit! Savor the feelings you get from it like you savor the first mornings of spring. Be still and ponder on what you feel, why God would want you to feel that way, and what a privilege it is to have a heart that is penetrable by the Spirit of God. And EVERY DAY ask God what more you can sacrifice to have the Spirit more.

 Todo mi corazon,

Hermana Rosalinda Carter

Also we are in the MTC choir for the MTC wide sacrament meeting on Easter. A general authority is coming. It's going to be amazing. Also, watch the in between of general conference sessions. They're doing a special on the MTC and have been filming around and you might see either Carolyn or I in the choir. They zoomed in on us both at separate times.

 

Yo vivo! (MTC week 1)

 

There is so much to convey to you about everything that happened inside of me this week. I don't know where to begin. Let's start where we left off...

After you dropped me off it was really exciting for me to walk into the world of missionaries that you never see as a family member standing on the curb. Getting my nametag was a tender moment. I was then sent up to a classroom where a crazy-eyed BYU student ranted Spanish at me for 30 minutes before the rest of my district showed up and the day's events continued. I LOVE Spanish! I feel like it is God's gift to me to ask me to learn this language in order to communicate with the people I am going to love so much. It is crazy how much I remember from 8th and 9th grade. We are talking gift of tongues status here. I'm that annoying person in the class who makes everyone else worry about how much Spanish they know. It is a beautiful language though. The morning after our 3rd night here, the 5 girls who share a room with me all were making fun of me becaus apparently in the middle of the night I started sleep talking in Spanish: "The Spanish word of the day is: JUGAR!" So the language was not my barrier. It is coming.

However, after that first initially exciting day of running into a million people that I know, and standing in awe of the cafeteria, things began to get difficult for Hermana Carter. I have learned a major lesson every day that I feel would normally take years to learn. My heart has been squeezed, contorted, and bent to learn what the Lord wants me to become. Imagine the "Whistle While You Work" song from snow white, when the animals are doing the dwarves laundry on the turtles stomach. My heart was the laundry. Every day I would wake up with this tangible weight on me because I knew that by the end of the day I would be a different person and I dreaded the humility that I would have to have in order to realize how unprepared I am for this task and rely completely on the Lord. That is the most wonderful part about the MTC though. Every creature form of comfort I have ever known is gone--family association, Mom's cooking, being out in nature, doing whatever I want--and I am forced to come to know very intimately the real Comforter. It truly is the Training Center, where we come to know how to have conversations with the Spirit. Anyway, my homesickness/apprehension/realization of the sacrifice a mission is culminated on Sunday. Oh man that day was hard. I cried from about 4-7 pm. All the way through dinner. You know it's bad when food can't cheer me up! I don't even know why...it was just all the emotions of the week catching up to me, and all I could think was, "Why didn't I finish The Sound of Music with my Mom? Did I hug Dad enough times? I don't think I hugged Dad enough times. Why didn't I hug him one more time?". I guess I was just coming to grips with 18 months and had to decide if this mission was worth it to me. But like previous days, by the end of the day I had learned the most important lesson yet. We watched President Bednar's talk to the MTC sometime ago on tape called "Character of Christ" (If you can find a copy please mail it to me). And long story very short and very poorly dictated, I learned what the Atonement means to me. And since then I have been so happy to serve this mission. What a privilege and incredible opportunity to consecrate my whole heart to the Lord and be led by Him and let Him change me. Seriously. Every day I am changed.

I also learned very quickly not to outpace myself (your advice Dad was the first to come into play). I tend to run myself into the ground when people say "Work your hardest" (which is all anyone says around here) so I had to have some conversations with God about what my pace should be, and I am doing much better. We study so diligently, but are also learning to recognize when to pause and meditate and listen to the Spirit.

We've been teaching an investigator, Edgar, who is an RM that pretends to be an investigator who is dear to him from his mission. We are encouraged to believe he is real, because the Spirit can still be present in a very real way and teach us real lessons. So we've been teaching him and it has been the sweetest thing. It is so awesome to prepare all afternoon a schmorgizborg (sorry I can't spell like Carolyn, world) of topics that you feel influenced to study for him and then go into a lesson with a fervent heart and watch how the Spirit leads the discussion. He totally believes in Joseph Smith and is praying about being baptized even though initially I told him that if he had faith he could be clean from all his fishes (pecado= sin and pescado=fish)The miracle is that after one week I can understand 70 percent of what he is saying and respond coherently (though slowly) to all his questions.But we aren't here to learn Spanish. We are here to understand the workings of the Spirit in people's hearts.

Know that I love you all so incredibly much but am so happy to be giving myself to this work. In everything I do, I hope to work with full purpose of heart. Look up 1 Samuel 10:9. Saul didn't believe Samuel had called the right person to lead the armies of israel, but as he turned to go, the Lord gave him another heart. This has been my experience.

Hermana Rosie Carter