Dear family,
Houston sunsets are
the best. So are the sunrises which I get to see every single morning.
First, apparently I have been
sleep talking in fluent Spanish which gives me hope because my conscious brain
still hasn't been able to figure it out yet. Progress truly is gradual like
everyone says but I am so grateful for how fun and quick my progress thus far
has been.
The weather this week was
really cool. We were only in the 90's! In fact today we are experiencing a
"tropical rain storm". yeah. I live where those are. That was such a
blessing. You people must be praying for me. 
We were really excited for both investigators to come to
church this week. They are all really sincere investigators and they have
honest desires to come closer to God and make commitments. But every single
week, Satan manages to throw a curveball at our investigators that is just
enough to distract them from coming. That's usually what happens, but we have high hopes for them. It is just
sad to know them and their situation, know exactly how much God is able to
bless them if they can just make it through the doors and start this journey,
and not be able to do anything but invite them. We are studying and trying to
find more inspired ways to help them get there.
But you know what?
Disappointment does not have to lead to doubt. Yes, I feel devastated at times
that they can't keep their commitments, but that only increases my commitment
to help them come unto Christ. And in those moments of disappointment, if I
choose to "fan the flame of my faith" (as Elder Holland says) rather
than doubt that God is with us, I feel a steadiness in my heart, a reliance on
God that brings me such happiness. Whatever heartaches come in life, I have a
Father to rely on and He has provided gospel covenants for me so that I can
weather it all with a deep lasting inner peace. And even find joy in the
journey.
I would like to say how
grateful I am for a family that is rooted in the gospel. For some reason on
Sunday morning, homesickness smacked me upside the face again. Right when I
think I've got it beat it just shows up again. I was so homesick,
the real root of all this was probably just that I was "tired
and fasting" as mom would say. When it was time to start studies, all
I wanted to do was curl up and cry. But at 8 am I got on my knees and I prayed for the
strength just to sacrifice. To be a full-time missionary and not a fill-time
missionary. To give all that I could for this one hour, and worry about the
next hour after that. I felt impressed to reread the advice letter Nate sent me my first week in the
MTC ( in the same package as Mindy's delicious easter treats. The line that
I was really drawn to said, "When these moments [of homesickness] come you
will have to forget everything about yourself and home and just focus 100% on
serving others." So that is what I did for the rest of the day. During
Sacrament when this crazy craving just to see Dad laughing made my eyes fill up
with tears, I pushed him right away and smiled and winked at the little girl
sitting across the row. I complimented and encouraged and asked after how each family
was doing, and was even able to joke around with many of the members. (One of
the great blessings of understanding more Spanish is being able to build
relationships with these wonderful people). I was filled with so much pure love
for everyone. It was like fasting backwards! I actually felt more
full--physically and spiritually--at 5:30 before breaking my fast than when I
had started in the morning. I learned that when we serve selflessly and truly
strive to do all that the Father asks of us, the natural consequence is that we
have His power. My ability and desire to do the work increased. The mornings
that I wake up the saddest are the opportunities I have to come home the
happiest. I couldn't even fall asleep last night until about 12 because I was just
so happy and my brain was still firing from it all. I truly gained a testimony yesterday that a life of sacrifice is the happiest way to live. The transition from a self-focused life to missionary work a lot of times feels like maneuvering through Fat Man's misery, with gaps and mountains and chasms to cross, but I am so grateful for Heavenly Father who knows everything that I am trying to be, and sees all my efforts, and directs me towards that perfect day when I feel worthy to be in His presence. And I am grateful that I have you family, to lean on, or sometimes in slot canyons, step on, in order to work through it all.
Esten con Dios,
Hermana Carter
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