Learning and Changing

 

I learned and changed a lot this week (like every week.)

First, I got a new companion! Hermana Ashley Durham. We were in the same MTC district, so we already know each other pretty well and are really excited to be working together. I have already learned a ton from her about true humility--she is so unassuming and genuine--and also about listening with love and feeling all the sorrows and desires of the people we teach. Being her companion is going to make me such a better missionary.

We face some struggles now though. Being without my fluent trainer has made me realize just how much Spanish I do not know, and just how much I was letting all of the accountability rest on her shoulders. I definitely have felt a little stress this week, worrying about whether the work in our area will slow down simply because of my weaknesses. But let me tell you, the Lord is able to accomplish anything as long as we keep our hearts faithful and full of love. Having our weaknesses so apparent this week has only made it easier to see all that God and the Spirit do to help us throughout the day. I honestly have no explanation for why people invite us to come back after we garble some Spanish on their doorstep. But they do because we are striving to do all we can...which is basically just love each other and sacrifice and be obedient...and that makes us worthy of the Spirit and then people recognize God in our faces and in our words.

 Yesterday we ate dinner at the home of this wonderful, amazing family who converted about 4 years ago and now the husband is struggling to fight some old addictions that have come back. We sat at the table and ate and just tried to be good little girls, doing all we could to befriend them and invite the Spirit, and then the Spirit of God was able to take over. That man opened all the way up about his most tender desires but also the weaknesses he feels and bore strongest testimony of the Lord and his power to forgive. We did absolutely nothing except sit there and nod our heads and try to feel what he is feeling and then he and the Spirit and God were able to work out all of his problems. He is going to come to church next week with his stalwart wife and daughter and 3 little Chanchos.

I did experience some real heartbreak this week though. Our miracle investigator who has been bringing me so much joy the past 2 weeks. I think I told you about him last week. We have had some amazing lessons with him where we have seen how much a person can change because of the Book of Mormon. He got to Mosiah 4 in 4 days. All of you RM's know that that is pretty significant. Granted, he doesn't have a job and his mom cooks for him so he's got a lot of time, but still! anyways. Then Hermana Villanueva left. The next day we taught him the Word of Wisdom as best we could. He took it with his usual humor, but no coffee really threw him for a loop: "No Cafe?? Ay Senor!" We did the best we knew how to testify and explain and promise blessings and everything that Preach My Gospel says, and assured him that it was okay to take this step by step, Poco a poco. He said he was going to pray and study about it. The next day we were supposed to eat dinner with him and then he was going to come to a ward activity with us (which is a big deal since he is deathly afraid of entering a chapel "unclean".) But his mom got really sick, so that important spiritual opportunity fell through and he missed that needed buffer against Satan. The next day we planned to go visit him. On our way we saw him walking on the side of the road.  We pulled over to talk to him and as soon as he started talking it was like the spirit just flew away. He was practically yelling, saying that his mom got sick the same day Hermana Villanueva left and he takes it for a sign that he can't progress without her. That was a particular dagger to my heart because it confirmed all the fears Satan has been trying to send me regarding my ability to still help this area progress without my trainer.

He wouldn't quiet down or even allow us to talk. I was weeping and I couldn't stop and I didn't know why. All I can think is that it was because he was drunk and just being in an environment without the Spirit is something I am not used to anymore. So. My dear investigator demanded that we stop visiting him for an entire month.

But drunk people aren't very good at keeping track of dates. So I told him we're coming back on August 1st. Which is actually in about 10 days. It's not over. Oh no. The bishop's wife gave us two white shirts for him so that he can feel clean on the day he comes to church. And Heavenly Father will help us and help him as long as we keep our covenants and live as faithfully as we can. This great heartbreak only allows room for greater joy in the end.

Keep on having joy in every moment of the Journey! God is so good. And He loves us! So I don't know what there is to be worried or sad about.

P.S. Flautas are SO GOOD when cooked right. Don't worry. I'll make them for ya'll the second day I am home. No I don't say ya'll. ever.